How to Make Wise Decisions
Why constructive decision-making will get you farther than decisiveness.
I see about 70% of the women I work with sabotage themselves in two ways.
- They put the needs of others before their own.
- They make impulsive decisions focused only on the short term.
So, when I saw that scientists in the UC San Diego wisdom study used the term “decisiveness” to refer to this quality of wisdom, I really felt that I needed to rephrase. Most people would likely define decisive as being able to make a decision on the spot, which just seems far too easy to conflate with impulsiveness. (See #2 above.)
Granted, there are probably things that most of us could make split-second decisions about simply because they’re things we’ve already considered. Maybe you know exactly what you want on the menu because you frequent the restaurant, or you immediately agree to take a neighbor’s kitten because you’d already decided to act when a cat-adoption opportunity came up.
So while these decisions may appear quick and efficient, time and thought has gone into them behind the scenes. I can also say, based on my experience and those of the women I’ve worked with, that with decisions of any consequence, a quick decision is generally not the best one.
Problems with Quick Decisions
- A quick decision is not going to be well thought out.
- There is usually some pressure to please the other person or at the very least not to offend them, which can sway your response. (See #1 above.)
- In the moment, you will likely have some sort of emotional reaction. Even a positive rush of excitement or enthusiasm can push you toward making a decision that you may later regret. Yes! Let’s go see that movie right now! (While completely forgetting about your dog’s evening insulin injection or some other necessary task.)
Consider the fallout from the following.
If you schedule an outing with another couple, for example, without comparing schedules with your significant other...
If you decide to buy that designer handbag before checking your bank balance…
If you agree to let a friend stay with you before really sitting with the reality of such an arrangement…
So, it’s pretty clear to me that wisdom has little to do with whether or not a decision is made quickly.
Constructive Decision-Making
I prefer the term “constructive decision-making” because it better represents what a wise choice entails. It implies that you’ve thought your decision through by examining the ramifications of your various options, and you’ve sat with the information you have long enough to settle on the choice that will improve your situation in a realistic and balanced way.
Of the 7 qualities of wisdom, as I’ve presented them, I see decision-making as the third aspect on which to focus, once you have emotional regulation and self-reflective awareness and insight in working order.
Emotional regulation will provide you access to calm and emotional balance while self awareness will help you see things more realistically, such as identifying when you’re not in the right frame of mind to make a decision as well as noticing when you’ve become clear on which of your options seems best.
Suggested Further Reading
- What I love about Dr. Nicole Lipkin’s article below is that it really gets into the toll decision-making can have on you. She states that “Resources like willpower, decision-making acuity and focus are depletable properties of the brain.” At the end of her post, she includes some tips for how to take this into account for better decision-making.
- Sah Kilic has written the helpful article below for those struggling somewhat with social boundaries. If you feel comfortable enough saying “no,” but aren’t sure which invitations should or shouldn’t make the cut — this is a great tip for getting in touch with which activities you really do (or don’t) want to participate in.
Take good care : )
Meg
If you’d like to learn more about my approach to cultivating inner peace, sign up for my free Practical Pathways to Inner Peace videos here.