How to Stay More Present
Loosen anxiety’s grip by spending more time in the here and now.
It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to get caught up in our heads, worrying, speculating and strategizing about the future, and ruminating on whatever went wrong in the past.
It seems we focus far less on what’s actually happening in the here and now—even when we know that we’re most in touch with reality and our inner wisdom when we are present.
Yet the now-moment is constantly getting buried beneath a mountain of distractions. We think ahead to the next thing we need to do, then the next, and without realizing it, we’re thinking ahead to the rest of the day, the rest of the week, the rest of our lives…
Or we get caught up grappling with uncertainties like:
Does that noise under the hood indicate a really expensive car repair?
What if my retirement funds don’t hold out?
Will I be able to find love after this divorce?
Or we’re looking backward, stewing over someone’s careless remark, or one of our own that we wish we could take back. Or maybe we’re cringing over a choice made in the heat of the moment, and now we’re waiting for that shoe to drop.
It’s not difficult to see how these concerns accumulate into a pile of emotional tinder that can keep us on edge, tense and worried, and just about everywhere on our potential timeline but now.
Mindfulness Can Help
In a previous post, I talked about how focusing your mind’s attention on relaxing your posture and breathing freely helps to anchor you in the present moment. I call this “the Practice.”
If you’ve tried this or other mindfulness methods, then you’ve experienced how a conscious choice to breathe with now-moment awareness reduces stress and calms your reactive alarm system.
When you’re experiencing severe anxiety or depression, or when you’re new to awareness practice, it will take time and effort to remember to do the Practice, and it will take time for your body and mind to return to a more relaxed state on a daily basis.
So don’t expect to focus on being present for five minutes and then, miraculously, you’re no longer anxious! But think about it this way: even 5% more calm (and less anxious) can be a game-changer in the way you deal with stress.
If you do the Practice routinely throughout your day, the beneficial effect adds up over time. And if you develop a habit of getting back to the now several times a day, you’ll become increasingly aware of it when your presence slips.
Dimensions of Presence
If you’re not sure how to tell when you’re present, or how to regain presence when you feel it slipping, here are three dimensions to consider.
1. Awareness of your physiological and emotional state.
- How does your body feel? Are your muscles tense or relaxed? Are you slouching or assuming a posture more likely to cause discomfort or pain? Where are you holding tension? In your neck and shoulders? In your lower back?
- Are you experiencing reactive emotions like shame, blame or self-pity? Are you fearful or agitated? Are you moody or shut down?
When you feel awareness of the present slipping, this is a good place to check in first. The interesting thing is, whenever you pay attention to your physiological state in the now-moment, you automatically become aware of your emotional state and are much better able to regulate those emotions.
2. Awareness of your mental state and accompanying storylines.
- Where is your mental focus? Are you tired or distracted? Is your mind foggy or racing? Are you worrying about the future? Are you dwelling on the past?
- Is there a narrative running in your head like, “This always happens to me… he always… every time …”
Notice the connection between your storylines and your emotional and physiological state. What happens when you fixate on the narrative playing on repeat inside your head? Can you notice how it feeds your emotions?
Now, what happens when you make an effort to focus on your posture and breath and stay in the present moment instead? The difference you notice here might be subtle at first, but often this mental shift can pull you back from the brink of a full-blown reaction.
3. Awareness of what is happening in the now, complete with sensory details.
- Where are you in space? What are you physically doing?
- What are the textures of things around you? What sounds do you notice? What smells?
Think in concrete terms. Make an effort to see yourself as you are right now, with no storyline or emotional reaction or judgement. Then, keeping an awareness of your breathing, describe the details of the room or outdoor area or vehicle — whatever space you occupy. If you’re eating, make an effort to really taste your food or your beverage and notice the accompanying physical sensations.
Activity
Pay attention to where your mind goes today. You can either jot down notes for later reflection, reflect in the moment, or approach this as a journaling opportunity.
- Pick three times to check in with yourself. For example: lunch, mid-afternoon, and early evening. If you really want to challenge yourself, see if you can check in once every hour.
- Reflect upon incidents from the past you found yourself ruminating about. What kinds of worries and fears did you project onto the future? What percentage of each hour would you estimate you actually spent in the here and now?
See if you can start integrating more of this awareness throughout your day. And when you recognize these familiar worries or fears coming up, try to keep yourself in the moment with the Practice. Even if you can only interrupt the cycle for five minutes, this will go a long way to reducing your anxiety and overall stress levels, and increasing your sense of calm.
Let me know in the comments how it went. I’d love to hear what you discovered!
Take good care : )
Meg
If you’d like to learn more about my approach to cultivating inner peace, sign up for my free Practical Pathways to Inner Peace videos here.
